Common errors and examples of correct dialogue in sentences:
Wrong: “Hope you’ve seen the video, Ken,” He said.
Wrong: “Hope you’ve seen the video, Ken.” He said.
Wrong: “Hope you’ve seen the video, Ken.” he said.
Correct: “Hope you’ve seen the video, Ken,” he said.
Wrong: “Jill is seven years old now,” Dad said, “But she needs a new school soon.”
Wrong: “Jill is seven years old now,” Dad said. “but she needs a new school soon.”
Correct: “Jill is seven years old now,” Dad said, “but she needs a new school soon.”
If the reader already knows who is talking and the meaning of the dialogue is clear, there’s no reason for an indicating tag. In a lot of scenes, there are two characters talking, and no tags are necessary. If you have to put, “she said angrily” or “she said sarcastically” then your dialogue is feeble.
The terms he said, and she said are known as tags in dialogue. There are unnecessary, illogical and inconsistent uses of tags.
“I could just shoot you in the head, and I’d be happy to see through a hole in your head, you sick bastard,” she said in anger.
“Now I know the phone is ringing, I hear it,” he frowned. – He can not frown in words.
“I ain’t saying he’s mad, but he’s on his way here with a sawn-off shotgun,” she said struggling to catch her breath.—But she doesn’t appear to have any trouble speaking or catching her breath.
“I ain’t. Ain’t sayin’. He…he’s mad…but…he’s…on his way here…with a sawn-off…shotgun,” she said struggling to catch her breath.
Writing dialogue is like editing lines in a movie. Some are weak and need more punch. The dialogue needs to be direct and to the point.
Small talk is undoubtedly crap chatty dialogue:
“Hi Bill, How you today?”
“I’m fine. How about you, Rich?”
“Oh, you know. Things are moving slowly.”
“I know what you mean. Finding a new job is a slow one.”
“How’re the kids?”
“They are teenagers, always difficult.”
Narration, Description and Dialogue
How much of a story should be narration, and description, and dialogue?
Some instructors say it’s a third narration, a third description, and a third dialogue. Then, some say it’s 30 percent narration, 20 percent description, and 50 percent dialogue.—How mutch narration, description, and dialogue is needed in a story is always different to each story. Some excellent stories are mostly dialogue, and some very successful stories hardly have any. Some really crap stories have a perfect balance.