My Short Story – Late for Work
This story has a creative concept with its apparent trickster alien as well as nice attention to detail (the time, the location, the look of the alien, etc.). However, the purpose of the story isn’t entirely clear; what do you see as the thematic exploration driving it? For example, it could explore the idea of being open-minded, especially if this encounter changes the main character moving forward. I’d like to see a bit more attention to the thematic elements of the story as well as attention to realistic-sounding dialogue. There is potential here, but for now we would pass on this story.
FROM THE PUBLISHER: We enjoy dialogue that is simple yet refined. It’s important to write dialogue similar to how you might speak it in the real world, but add a dash of refinement. Going forward, try writing a few lines of dialogue then read them aloud. Does it roll off the tongue? Does it make sense? Is it something you can imagine an actor saying in a movie?
At this point, we think your dialogue could use some work. Focus on the suggestions above and just keep it simple. All it takes is a practice. Can’t wait to hear from you in the future 🙂
I was aware that the story was not the best as I had been occupied with keeping to the solution of the mistakes I made in the earlier Spring competition. These comments do help my short story writing and there is another competition to enter 🙂
Crime Fiction: Hardboiled Detective 