Two reviews of My Short Story are listed below:
- First Review:
I LOVE the Big Bang Theory, and this could’ve been a very clever and funny story that referred back to that series. However, there were far too many grammatical and wording issues, that got in the way of enjoying the story. It is muddled and confusing tale, and the ending is the only funny and easy to understand aspect of your story.
There were several sentences that didn’t make sense.
For example: “ Work is one of those locations where you do something for someone else, and they pay you money.” Most people know what work is, this was a completely unnecessary sentence.
In that same paragraph you say this: “ I turned the stereo on to my CD, and the music of Elvis Presley became evident.” The wording here is awkward.
Neither sentence was germane to the story, and in a story that’s 2,000 words or less, you need to be judicious with the words you use, and these kinds of random sentences feel as if they have a point, but that is never made clear, and this can cause the reader to lose interest.
Also, it was never explained why the aliens chose this character, he had no connection to the government, and no real power to help the alien.
The whole story felt lost, as if it was trying to find its way but never did. However, the premise here is wonderful, and with some work this can be a funny and engaging story. Do not be discouraged, keep writing, and working on what appears to be a wonderful imagination. Take care.
- Second Review:
This might not sound like much, but I want to give you full credit for having a comprehensible story. It was easy to follow from beginning to end and never got choppy with the timing of events or description. That’s a core skill many aspiring writers are missing.
One issue us that the majority of the story is a set up for a Big Bang Theory joke at the end. That’s mostly fine, but there wasn’t much information letting the reader know that’s where you were heading. Other than the aliens being dismissive of English, there weren’t a lot of clues throughout the story that hinted at this being a comedy. It’s vital to set the tone early, so that the reader isn’t thrown so hard they break immersion with the tale. It’s been said before that the best ending to a story is both inevitable and surprising. Of those two, inevitable is the harder aspect to manage.
That said, you have lot of potential. You can tell an oddball, even silly, story without it being confusing. I hope you keep improving. I hope you keep writing.